There’s no shame, its happened to all of us.A harmless night of binge drinking gone wrong; 5-6 beers, a few of mix drinks and a shot, wait the shot was a bad idea.Your stomach quivers.A foul pocket of alcohol fumes climbs up your chest, bringing a strange, regurgitation sound to the back of your throat.Your mouth starts to water and you try not to look panicked.You make your way through the crowd no matter what cost, likely tripping and spilling a few drinks along your way.Out of the frenzy, you’ve completely forgot where the bathroom was or even how to get the fuck out of there.Your time is little and your options are few.The quick decisions you make can determine the rest of your night and of the entire party.
Location
Know your surroundings.A good understanding of what’s around you is key in case of a fire, fight, or throw-up.Weather your just hanging out with friends or at the biggest party of the year, having a clear escape route is crucial.Most importantly, know the location of bathrooms, windows, and outside doors.These are likely your best options for a quick and clean heave.Though if you are not so lucky, more immediate actions can be taken.
The Drop-off
When it coming up quick, these drop-off spots give cover and buy some time while you make your get away.Most common for a fast heave is the trashcan.Found in almost all rooms, it a good grab when you’re pinned down with no exit.Creative thinking is necessary at this stage.Open up the possibilities.A near by plant? Sure.A litter box?Even better.A sock drawer?Why not.The possibilities are as many as you can imagine.Yet if you’ve completely lost all judgment, best to just find a corner.With any luck you can pretend your texting, do your business, and get out before anyone notices.Though your night may have to end a little sooner than you’d like, it is hardly the worst that could happen, be thankful for your keen reactions.
Best Places
Although not always an option, these places offer the cover and require no clean up.The most popular and obvious choice is the bathroom.The toilet will still require some aim, but some toilet paper should help with anything you miss.If someone is already throwing up in the toilet, the sink or bathtub may suffice.Yet if the consistence is right, it may clog and plan backfires on you.Using either of these can be a risky situation, assess what you have eaten before committing all the way.Whichever you choose, the fan plays 2 vital role in your cover up.It most cases, it’s loud as shit which it good when you’re yelling out your insides.It also helps cover up any smell that may have escaped.Lastly, the sink allows you to wash out your mouth before you cover up the taste with more alcohol.
If you can’t get to the bathroom in time, head for the nearest window or door.Heaving outside is always fun.Without the constraints of indoor conditions, you are free to puke when and wherever you want…exhilarating.
Worst Places
These are not likely places, but somehow, like a freshly washed car, they always end up a victim of friendly fire.Throwing-up here can clear out a house, make everyone else vomit or even be very expensive.The hardest of these to evade is other people.If in large numbers, these moving targets can be unpredictable and somewhat hazardous.Yet, their mobility is also their best aspect.If the situation becomes extreme, take extreme measures.Use the circumstances to your advantage.Making sure everyone is within your range and line of projection, hold your mouth and mumble something about your last drink.Like the sweaty kid at a concert, the crowd will do anything to get out of your way.Though it’s far from a subtle approach, it is about the only effective one.
Though you’ve now overcome your most prominent adversary, other enemies are still lurking.TV’s, computers, and appliance all are but impossible to clean and can be very costly.Laptops rank among one to the worst things to hit; with so many different buttons and access points to the mainframe, the laptops is highly vulnerable to stomach acid and second hand alcohol.Vomiting in a refrigerator can ruin food (beer) for weeks while vomiting in an oven or toast could go unnoticed until turn on, overall neither the office nor the kitchen our good places to be when the time comes.
Still, the most damned of all places to puke is lurking in almost every room.If you manage to connect with this sweet spot, you have a skilled shot and are an asshole.Air vents can circulate the rank stanch of vomit throughout the house in a matter of minutes.If the area is not quickly and properly quarantined, the smell can last for hours, days, or even weeks.Still, only after a few hours of the occurrence the smell burn into naval cavities and into the seeds of your consciousness.Whether it is burned into your mind, nose, or air vents, the smell becomes paralyzing to daily life.
Being able to properly assess and handle the urgent situation of vomiting is a critical life skill.Without this is run the likely risk of: angering your friends, getting less ass, and possible even getting arrested.Hopefully this how-to will prepare you for the worst of situations; unfortunately your friends will still call you a 3 beer queer.